De-Stressing December

December is the most wonderful time of the year, right?  Yet too often the hustle and bustle leaves many of us stressed and exhausted.

December doesn't have to be a ball of stress, regardless of what holiday you celebrate. The increasing dark of the Northern hemisphere can be a signal for us to turn inward to our families, to create more warmth, light, and peace in our homes. It can be a time for cozy connection and genuine joy, whatever our personal beliefs. The key is deciding what kind of experience you want to create and merge your expectations with your family's. 

Here are some practical ideas to consider as you move through the final month of this year:

Decide what’s important to you and say “No” to everything else

We all have full lives the other eleven months of the year. Adding an elaborate agenda to accomplish during December will likely send your household into a tailspin and your blood pressure through the roof. The guaranteed result is tantrums from the kids and frustration for you.  If you’re willing to be completely honest with yourself about what you can actually handle, take five minutes to sit quietly and envision the scenes you want to create this December.  Be realistic. If you want homemade presents, you probably won’t also have a clean and orderly house, until the gift making is complete. Decide what really matters to you.  Keep in mind that anything that stresses you out does not nurture you.            

Prioritize Connecting with your Family

Once you have a sense of what you’re going to do this December, determine not to do holiday tasks alone unless you feel nurtured by them. If you enjoy putting on music and filling the house with good smells, have fun baking but don’t set yourself up to feel resentful at midnight when you find yourself dealing with eye fatigue and facing a sink full of dirty dishes. When possible, find a partner for your holiday tasks. It’s a great opportunity for fun with family members, and the kids love the one-on-one time with parents.  If you can’t recruit anyone, consider that maybe you don’t really need to do more baking or decorating etc... If it isn’t important to anyone else, maybe it's better to just get a good night's sleep, so you can have a better day with your family tomorrow.

If your children are too young to help, then it's even more important to limit what you do. What they truly want this holiday season is connection with their parents, not perfect decorations, or lots of events, or even presents. Your kids need you to be in a good mood and to make time for meaningful connection. Keep it simple.  Remember that your mood matters more to your kids than anything else.

Reject commercialism

None of the holidays we observe in December are designed to include purchasing things from stores (other than grocery items).  The pressures of commercialization do a disservice to these special days, to our wallets, and to our children.  Seasonal ads have trained kids to think of the winter holidays as a time for toys and electronics.  The first question they hear from peers upon returning to school is usually “What did you get?”  For many children, this focus on what they get and how much they get, can lead to a frenzy of desire, followed by crash and burn.  Regardless of how you choose to handle gift-giving, keep in mind that what you do in December may shape your children’s attitudes and behaviour for the rest of the year.

Create meaningful traditions to help bring your family closer.

Children love tradition and ritual. Repetition, the comfort of belonging, the sense of wonder, magic, and celebration...traditions nurture kids and parents alike and create a sense of shared meaning. They connect families.  With so many lifestyle and mental health disruptions in recent years, children especially need the security of repeated traditions. There are many holiday traditions that can have meaning for your family; the key is to find the ones that feel best to everyone and are easiest to pull off.

If you go on vacation, be sure it recharges and reconnects your family

Some of us look forward to the kids’ school vacations as a chance to leave town in search of winter sports or a warm destination. A vacation together can give you plenty of chances for family connection, especially if you forgo screens in favour of family board games and outdoor activities. What you want to avoid, is racing around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy trip, and returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get cranky and stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do less, rather than more.

Nurture yourself

We approach the holidays each year with the secret hope that our life will be transformed. Somehow, our home will become picture perfect.  Our homemade gifts will receive raving reviews from friends and neighbours. Our children won’t squabble with each other or seem ungrateful.  It’s helpful to remind yourself repeatedly throughout this month that your pleasant mood and time with your kids are much more important than your vision of all you could “give” them.  Find ways to nurture yourself so you have the energy to be fully present. The more content you feel in your body and soul, the less you’ll need to pursue the holiday frenzy.  And the more you and your family will find yourselves making meaningful memories, and bringing more light into this dark time.

May your December be merry and bright,

Renée