The Benefits of Discovering Your Child’s Interests

I know very few parents who don’t love their children, but I know many parents who don’t understand them.

Parenting without a true understanding of our children influences us to see our kids as we think they are rather than as they really are.  One way to gain a better understanding of your child is to be intentional about discovering your child’s interests.  As parents, we have a unique and exciting opportunity to encourage our children to explore and develop their own set of interests. Sometimes those align with what we value and enjoy, but other times they don’t.  

While you likely know many of your child’s interests, digging a bit deeper might give you some new information.  Once you take a closer look at what captures your child’s attention, and find ways to join them in their interests, you can interact with them in ways that build communication skills, reduce cycles of defiant behaviour, motivate better cooperation, and strengthen family bonds.

Children of all abilities have interests and preferences. As you start to gather information about your child’s interests, you may notice that their interests can be grouped into two categories:

Personal interests – these are relatively permanent…a child’s favourite things, such as cars, water play, music genres, particular sports, or art forms.  This doesn’t mean the activity they’re interested in as a 4-year-old is going to be their lifelong passion. But it does indicate that even when it seems like they’re just playing, they’re learning more about themselves and the world.

Situational interests – these interests are momentary and emerge when something about an activity, object, or person attracts a child’s attention or invites them to become involved. Situational interest often occurs when a situation is new, interesting, or unexpected.  These kinds of interests are often the foundations for choices which become personal interests. 

So, what can we do as parents to learn more about our children’s interests?  The key is to observe, have conversations, and create experiences.

To observe your child’s interests:

• Be at their physical level – this might mean lying or sitting on the floor with younger children
• Be face-to-face – so that you can actually see what your child is interested in.
• Wait – instead of starting up an interaction when you walk into the same space as your child, pause and wait to see what your child is doing first.  Put your own agenda on hold for a moment and really tune in to what your child is doing.

Next, have conversations based on what you’ve observed.  Even when you are pressed for time, slow down for just a moment to ask questions, listen and take note of your child’s answers.  Did you learn something you didn’t know before? What are you still wondering about?  What’s your plan for learning more?

Note that shy or withdrawn children often seem as if they have no interests and you may find it challenging to engage them in dialogue.   It’s normal to feel concerned if this is your child.  With patience and some creative thinking, you will eventually help your child find activities or subjects that pique their interests.  What should be cause for concern is when a child who has been active, social, and routinely interested in things becomes moody, sits around doing almost nothing, and expresses little interest in doing anything.  Another concern is when a child is communicating negative comments about themselves (“I can’t do anything right”) or the world (“nothing is really that much fun anymore”) and comments that reflect hopelessness about the future (“this will just turn out bad like everything else does”).  In either case, when low mood lasts two weeks or longer, it’s advisable to consult with a healthcare professional to have your child evaluated.

Finally, provide opportunities and experiences for further investigation.  When parents and caregivers take advantage of motivating interests and situations, children have more opportunities to develop their communication skills.  When it comes to teaching social skills and encouraging more cooperation, children master new behaviours faster when they are interested in the experiences that promote those behaviours.  Integrating interests into daily routines and activities engages children and increases their motivation to learn.  In preadolescence and adolescence, children are likely to show reduced interest in activities around the house.  So much of a child’s life at this stage is focused on peers who share the same music, clothes, jokes, and temporary disdain of adults.  Lack of motivation around the house and an aversion to spending time with family is likely, and normal.

As children move through their teen years and approach young adulthood, they are in a time of their life when many questions, ideas, and insecurities can emerge. This is a time when parents can help them think about the meaning of what they do and what they are interested in.  At first glance, they may not see a connection between these interests and finding a sense of purpose.  By pointing out interests like reading crime novels, hiking, sketching, or volunteering at an animal shelter, you can help spark some thoughts about how they may be able to translate those into a career they really care about.  It’s beneficial to think about all the different areas related to one specific interest. For instance, if your child is interested in comic book design, the related studies include graphic arts, literature, computer graphics, political science, psychology, logic, and writing.  This can lead to a discussion of professions and broadens your child’s frame of reference of possibilities that they may not have considered as future study, or occupations.

The world is changing rapidly for all of us.  For this reason, it’s common for an 18-year-old to be uncertain about what their short-term and/or long-term goals are. The average adolescent simply doesn’t have enough experience to really figure it out, and it’s very likely that they will pursue more than one field of study and employment in adulthood.  Thinking about life after high school is exciting, yet nerve-wracking for any young adult.  Additionally, for students with learning differences, such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), executive function difficulty (EFD), or dyslexia, these emotions are heightened as they evaluate their options for adulthood. Some students have a plan in place to go straight into the workforce or pursue post-secondary education, but others have no plan at all.  Change can be overwhelming for anyone, so if your child does not have a plan in place don’t panic.  Keep the lines of communication open and help your child explore options that connect their interests and strengths to set them up for future success. 

To conclude, I want to acknowledge the reality that there are seasons when you may simply not have enough time, money, or space to fully support your child’s pursuit of a particular area of interest.  Additionally, there may be current barriers to accessing some activities due to ever changing health mandates. Fortunately, there are several ways to provide your child with learning opportunities and experiences, without substantial fees and significant time commitments attached.  Below, you will find some links with information about cost saving options for extracurricular activities.

Have fun learning more about your child.  You might discover some new personal interests in the process!

Renée 

https://ca.care.com/articles/children/save-money-on-after-school-activities-a-parents-guide/

https://www.moneysense.ca/save/save-extracurricular-activities/

 https://news.gov.bc.ca/releases/2021MUNI0066-002327

*Scroll down for a sample list of potential questions parents you can ask to help spark conversations with your child about their interests.  

Questions to ask preschoolers:

What sounds do you like best…why?

Pretend you're a chef and tell me about your restaurant. What foods do you serve?

If you opened a store, what would you sell? 

If you were going to spend a whole day outside, what activities would you do?

Questions to ask younger school aged children

What one thing do you do now that you usually need an adult for but would like to try to do all by yourself?

If you were a photographer for a day, what would you take pictures of?

If you drew everything that came to your head, what would you be drawing right now?

Describe a great day. What are you doing that makes it special?                        

Questions to ask older children

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others?

What's the coolest thing you saw someone do today?

If you could make up a new holiday, what would it be?

If you could give $100 to a charity, which would you choose?

If you wrote a book, what would it be about?

I can see that_________is really important to you. What do you like about it? 

Questions to ask teens

What makes you feel energized?

How do you want to contribute to the world? In what area do you want to make a difference? Who do you care about impacting?

Who does a really great job at what they do in something you’re interested in? What do you think they did to get to that point and excel at it? How is what they do meaningful to them?

How do you see these interests and skills intersecting with a career?

What experiences in your life led you to your decisions to pursue certain subjects or career interests?

Renée